Anywhere but here
by Laurissy
Summary: The Doctor, Jo, the Brigadier, Captain Yates and Seargeant Benton are stuck with each other.


Anywhere but here.

**A/N So I've started watching the Pertwee era. I'll miss you black and white era. But as my forays into the classic era of the show continue. I've decided to do a one shot about our favourite UNIT personnel from the point of view of Mike Yates**

UNIT had launched an investigation after reports of strange goings on like, a large increase in violent crimes and a rise in illnesses. This was not entirely unusual in this certain district of east London, not exactly being a picture of peace, health and good will. But what captured everyone's attention was a traffic incident. A car was caught speeding in the main street in the early hours of Monday morning and it was believed to be stopped by the police. Again this wasn't unusual but later on that morning a police officer had been found inside out. This was strange enough to warrant investigation by UNIT and by extension the Doctor.

The Doctor's investigation led him to a homeless shelter where the occupants acted strangely and it was run by a Miss Angel. It turned out Miss Angel was actually an alien from the Orion syndicate. To be precise a Plantonian well at least according to the Doctor. As the brigadier had said it doesn't matter what species it is. They are clearly harmful and must be apprehended. The Doctor had for once agreed with the Brig which was always a strange occurrence. Her name was Xera Dominus who was actually a plant based version of life and more irritatingly could shape shift. She had decided to use this planet to make a substance which caused increased aggression, strength and some psychic powers which explained the crime and the police officer. The doctor hypothesised that a side effect of making the drug could be various types of illness which would explain all the illness in the area.

Jo asked if there was some kind of police to stop this. The Doctor informed them that there was. This was actually quite comforting to think that it wasn't so different out there. However the Doctor didn't find it comforting and we soon found out why. It seemed that the shadow proclamation had tracked her down and had cut the shelter of using a force field. Apparently the galactic police force was aliens with rhino heads. Apparently they were called the Judoon the Doctor told us to cooperate and we were scanned and told that we weren't the criminal and to sit down and wait till their investigation had concluded. The brigadier was very angry and demanded what right they had to come on to their planet which they had no jurisdiction over. The head Judoon recommended they filed a complaint. Then he offered to help them saying how skilled his men were. This made the Judoon snigger and then they were forced into a corner where they were told to be quiet.

2 hours later he was still fuming and insisting they would have found this alien. They were scanning every object in this shelter individually trying to find her. So here I was waiting patiently for the Judoon to finish. The Brig was pacing. Jo who was no longer frightened. She just sat near the doctor and read the book he had given her. It was clear to everyone that it was a bit beyond her but she persisted. That was Jo. The Doctor was fiddling with something and helping Jo with the book and seemed quite content. Benton was sitting in the corner looking at his watch.

"Do you think they'll let us go soon?" Benton asked in a light hearted tone.

He might as well have asked are we there yet? For all the good it did.

"Well she seems quite devious, it could take them another 8 hours or it could take them 10 minutes" the doctor said casually.

"Well that's just great" the brig said angrily.

"The Judoon are a very efficient race and I'm sure it will all be sorted out soon." The Doctor said cheerfully.

"I'm surprised, you're taking this so well" I said confusingly since I'd met him. He'd spent most of his time and UNIT money trying to fix his Tardis. Anytime he wasn't there, he was always rushing about and always seemed annoyed whenever he had to stay still.

"Well since being here, I've gotten used to being ordered by the military and being told to get out of the way."

The Brigadier looked at him "Well at least I've taught you something."

The Doctor just smiled "Don't worry Benton; I'm sure we'll be out if here soon."

"It's a shame you can't call her and tell you'll be late." Jo said sympathetically.

"How did you know he had a date?" I asked.

"Feminine intuition, Mike" she said coyly.

"Well Benton, I'm sure she'll wait" turning my attention to Benton.

"She'll wait, I don't want to though" he said.

I patted him on the back in sympathy then he asked, "So what are your plans?"

"I was going to go home and watch TV" I said which even as I said it seemed very lame. It was inspection tomorrow and I did always try and get an early night. Benton looked sympathetic, the Doctor looked bemused, the Brig looked approvingly and Jo smiled.

Jo then said "I was going to go to a football match with the Doctor." She said "It's a shame about all this." The Doctor didn't say anything but everyone was surprised for him not to react.

"Story of my life" the Brig interjected.

"What are you missing out on Brig.?" I asked.

"My daughter's Kate's play, I promised I'd be there and I suppose I'm going to break another promise." He said. For a split second I thought the Brig was going to break down and start weeping. But it was just a split second and he regained his usual composure.

"Well it can't be helped but if these brutes respected that this matter is the jurisdiction of UNIT and any crime committed on earth involving extra terrestrials should go through us first."

"I guess you're right" Benton agreed "But it is nice to have everything taken care of and not feel completely out of our depth."

"What do you mean?" the Doctor said.

"Well we never know what's going on with you, with them it's simple, stay here while we apprehend the suspect."

"It's very military" The brigadier said with a hint of admiration but mainly flavoured by irritation.

"It's crazy though, how crazy are our lives when Rhino men showing up are a relief." I said without even realising what I was saying.

"I don't like it, Captain and I'm sure we'd be done by now if they let UNIT personnel help"

I sighed. But didn't say anything. I knew better than that and then it hit me.

"Football" I said incredulously.

"I've decided that I should show the Doctor some of earth culture" Jo said cheerfully. "Of course we can't go now the match has already gone into half time."

"Oh has it, that's interesting" the Doctor said getting up. He got his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and pointed it at a crate. It shifted into the alien form of Miss Angel.

"Brigadier, you may want to call the Judoon back."

The Brigadier stared daggers into him and then went "Yates, I want you to tell those accursed rhinos that we have their prisoner"

"You heard him Benton" I said looking at him.

"Right Sir" he left immediately.

"I'm sorry, we missed the football match Jo" the doctor said looking apologetic and smug at the same time.

"Don't worry, I recorded it" she said smiling.

"Good" the doctor said unconvincingly. Jo smiled, one of those smiles that lit up the room.

"You can come along if you want to Mike" she said with a hint of flirtation.

I smiled "If that's ok with the Doc"

"Its fine" the Doctor said "you can keep Jo company whilst I fix" then he stopped.

"You are having a night of from fixing that thing and you are going to enjoy a genuine earth pastime." Jo said forcefully.

"Alright Jo" he said reluctantly.

The Judoon came apprehended the shape shifter and after the Brig had made them agree to sign a contract involving their jurisdiction. They left and I went with the Doctor and Jo. I had a lot of fun with Jo and the match was good but you could tell the Doctor was wishing he was anywhere but here.

**A/N So I watched the third season recently and I hit upon the idea that the shadow proclamation could be involved in an earlier adventure because you know the Brig isn't going to stand for this crap. But I suppose it's the brig fault that he hospital got put on the moon. They knew it was better to not cross the brig again. **


End file.
